Through the Waiting

Have you ever had to wait for something that you really wanted? Of course you have. We all have. But, I'm not just talking about waiting for something that you know is coming, like your birthday or Christmas, the end of a school year, or a new movie coming out. Have you ever had to wait for something that you didn't know for sure if it would even happen or not? I waited for many years to get married. It was hard to wait all those years, wanting so much to get married, but not knowing for sure if it would ever happen. When I met Josh and got married, that wait was over. Being married to Josh was worth the wait, but that doesn't change the fact that it was still hard while I was in that period of waiting. There's a reason that God tells us many times in the Word to be strong and wait for the Lord. Waiting is hard, and we need strength to continue the wait without giving up.

Now, I find myself in another period of waiting. Soon, Josh and I will have been married for three years. For over half of that time, we have been wanting and trying to have a baby. Month after month has passed, and we continue to wait with nothing happening. Waiting is hard. Often, with each passing month, frustrations and disappointments increase. At times, it is difficult to hear of and see others who are having babies and celebrating new pregnancies, even when those people are friends. There are times when I want to be happy for them, but I just can't. Because they are receiving while I am not. They are celebrating, and I am stuck in the waiting. And waiting is hard.

Waiting is never fun. But the amazing thing about waiting is that we don't have to wait alone. There is One who is always there with us. God is there to comfort us, encourage us, help us, and give us strength. Last month, the children's program at church that I am involved in was focused on patience with the memory verse for the month being, "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and don't lose hope. Wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14. While I was there trying to teach kids about patience and waiting on the Lord, I was struggling through the waiting. When we wait for the Lord, we should be strong and not lose hope. He is the only One who will always come through for us. He will never let us down. He is worth waiting for, and so are His plans for my life.

There is so much more that God does for us through the waiting. In Philippians 4:6-7, Paul says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Have I worried and stressed over how long it is taking us to have a baby? Yes. But then, I remembered to go to God about it. I remembered to pray and ask Him for what I need and even want. Now, I will confess that I have not done that as consistently as I should, and I have not always gone to Him in prayer with thanksgiving. But God has blessed me anyway. He has comforted me, and He has filled me with His peace. This peace, I cannot describe. It fills me when I should not be peaceful. For the last couple of months, when I have realized that there will be yet another month of waiting, God has filled me with His peace. He has helped me to be strong and not lose hope. He has reminded me that He loves me, that He is still in control, and that He is working things out according to His plan. He has allowed me to rest in that and be able to carry on.

The peace that I have found in the Lord doesn't make everything easy. Waiting is still hard. I still have days that are difficult, days that I struggle with wanting what I do not have. I still have some days that I don't want to hear about someone else who is pregnant. But those days are becoming fewer, and the pain of them is becoming less because the peace is becoming greater. Just yesterday, I found out that another friend of mine is pregnant. Though I am slightly saddened that it is not me, I am truly happy for her. I could not be happy for her if it were not for the peace of God. It is often a fight to hold on to that peace that passes understanding, but it is a fight that is worth it.

I write all of this, not for you to feel sorry for me for the struggles I am going through. I write all of this because I want you to know about the peace that I have. Without the story of the struggles and the waiting, the peace that I talk about would not be so amazing. The most amazing peace is the peace that comes in the middle of a storm. Without understanding the storm, you can't be amazed at the peace. I hope my story will be an encouragement to someone. When you find yourself in the waiting, be strong. Don't lose hope. Don't give up. Turn to the Lord. Talk to Him. Seek Him. And watch for His peace to fill you life.